The Duane Reader is trying really hard, you guys
Duane Reade, the oft-criticized bastion of NYC drugstores, has undergone a rebranding in recent months. This makeover impressed at least one person–Walgreen’s just bought the entire chain for $618 million.
Part of the rebranding included a new rewards card program and a new circular. I noticed this for the first time last night when I stopped at my local DR to buy some necessities and post-practice noms (a cheese Celeste pizza that burned the roof of my mouth so badly that it blistered and a tall can of Hansen’s to wash it down with).
Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you–The Duane Reader:
Ok, at first glance this is your average store circular. I like the newspaper conceit. The name is punny and cute.
Man, who do they get to write this stuff? This must be what all the improv nerds are doing during the day. Organic tampons–>Natural woman? Too easy.
Erm. Duane Reade, you’re starting to make me a little uncomfortable. One mention of SoHo and I’m outta here.
Oh, Duane Reade, you slay me with your clever wordplay.
Oh, stop, stop! (No, really, stop. These are a tad painful)
Duane Reade has higher expectations for my dating life than my mom does.
Um, like, much higher expectations.
Check that fine print. “In New Jersey, you must be 60 years of age or older.” That makes sense for the Viagra, but for the birth control? Hey, more power to you if you still need the Pill when you’re 60. Keep on truckin’, ovaries.
So The Duane Reader wants to be your punny friend who can give you beauty and ladyparts advice and dish with you about that date and his/her awful morning breath but is more like the friend who unintentionally embarrasses herself at parties by coming on too strong, so you try to keep your distance. It did include a coupon for a $1.99 pint of Haagen Dazs, so it’s not a totally useless friend. Ice cream will win me over every time.